Simply Mel(Formerly Mama Monoblogs)

Stuff I Learned While I Was In Texas

It seems unreal to me that just last week, at this time, I was in a hotel in Maryland on my way back home from a 6 week stay in Texas. Our trip back went well. Again, I was amazed at how well the girls did. They had their fussy and cranky moments but for the most part, they were great! I am happy to be back in my house, with my hubby, and not a single snow flake in sight. ( For the moment).

This trip to Texas was very unexpected but much needed for me. I was not in a good frame of mind when all that came about. As many of you know, I struggle with living so far away from my family and longing to move to Texas. Winters affect me in a terrible way. I am also struggling, right now, with some other personal issues, and frustration with God for not answering certain prayers I have, right now. I was angry, resentful and stressed when Mike came in that Thursday night and told me it was best for all of us if I went to Texas for awhile until his hours at work got better.

Many of you may have seen that trip as a lucky, extended vacation for me where I got to get away from many of my daily responsibilities. And in a way it was. It was almost like a spiritual retreat for me. One I needed very badly.

God really used that time away to speak to me.

About myself.

I was able to relax, enjoy some gorgeous weather and really focus on my Bible reading. I read a lot outside in my parent's backyard while the girls ran around and played. A pigeon ,or some such bird, even dared to poop on my arm and  on my Bible while I was reading!  After I prayed for God to strike the irreverent thing dead, I was able to clean the pages that were dumped on(pun intended!). Those pages are a little torn and wrinkled now from where I cleaned them. I will  always have a physical reminder in those pages of Proverbs of how God spoke to me from His word those weeks that I was in Texas.

At first, I was a little lost, there, living in a home that wasn't mine and where I didn't have specific tasks to do every day. I came to realize what a slave I had become to my daily "to do" list and chores. I had become a super inflexible person. A prisoner to my daily routine. And a very unpleasant person because of it. I had become bogged down, unnecessarily, by things I thought I had to accomplish every day. It seemed like the bigger my list got, the less I got done. I felt like a dog chasing my own tail.

When I started reading and researching this new-to-me style of living called "natural living" I was super intrigued by it.  You who have been following my blog for awhile have seen my *GONSH updates.(*Green/Organized/Natural/Simple/Healthy). I started following and reading blogs by other fabulous women who seemed to have that kind of life down pat. I am one of those "all or nothing" people and dove right in to the "natural living" concept with gusto.  I was going to be a better housewife. My house was going to be much cleaner. My clutter was going to be decimated.  Dust was going to be a thing of the past! We were going to eat organically and a lot healthier. Although I kept telling myself I was taking baby steps, I was doing everything in my power to catch up to all these women in the blogs I was reading.

I had overloaded and overwhelmed myself and my time with reading and researching all the areas that encompassed natural living. I strove for simplicity, healthier living, better budgeting and use of our finances, more organization and an "attachment" parenting style to my kids.

But instead of achieving all that, I ended up doing the exact opposite.

My finances became stretched because of all the organic and expensive food I went out and bought all at once. I was going to overhaul my kitchen and we were going to change our way of eating for good. I seemed to forget I had three other very picky eaters in my household.

Because of all the extra, natural and organic stuff I bought it created more clutter, not less.Because I wanted to make so much of our food from scratch, simplicity was out of the question. All those natural mommies who's blogs I read  make a lot of healthy and nutritious stuff from scratch so that's what I wanted to do for my family.

My list got bigger and bigger every day. And so did my stress level.

Forget a more natural and gentle mothering style for my girls. I didn't have time for that! I was constantly saying " Just a minute", "Not right now", "Later","Go play" and "Mama's busy". I had activities with them penciled in as well. Couldn't they see it wasn't their time yet? Time with mama was coming. Later.

Yes, my eyes were opened to all of that while I was in Texas. I ate out a lot in Texas. I "settled" for all sorts of non organic food and we're all still alive and well. I ate at "Long John Silver's" several times and I don't go there to eat healthy. The food I ate there would make my very natural and healthy living chiropractor pass out. I learned I could be a tad more flexible. About everything.

I realized that my house/budget and lifestyle are not conducive to an "organic/completely-made-from-scratch only lifestyle. Organic stuff is expensive. My supermarket does not carry a huge variety or selection of organic stuff. I don't have the time or capability during the week to shop around to get everything like I wanted to and was trying to do before. My kitchen is way too small to handle all of the cooking and baking I was trying to do. The messes I made were huge pains in the neck to clean up.

It all amounted to be everything it was not supposed to be.

Even though I'm poking fun at myself, it doesn't mean I've given up on the natural lifestyle. Because I haven't. I still plan to get there some day. But it's a long term goal. I truly admire the women who live that life. I think it's great. Many of them have been doing this for a long time. It hasn't even been a year for me. But I have to do the best I can, right now, with what I have and what I can afford time and money wise. I have to find a good balance. I have to make the best choices with the money and time that I have right now.

That said, there are a few things I'm not doing anymore and a few things I am doing or will continue to do.

- I won't make a list, but there are several foods I won't be buying organically anymore. They are just too darn expensive. Milk is one of them.

-Were still trying to eat stuff as close to it's natural state as possible.

-I'm still trying to stay away(as much as possible) from foods that are chemically laden, have high fructose corn syrup, MSG or are super removed from their natural state. Except for the nights when something from a box is fine.

-I'm going to be happy with Suave for awhile. I'll try to make better choices in my body care products but I'm not going to break the bank by buying every, single body care product I have from the "natural" section. Again, balance. Making do. Baby steps.

-I'll be happy with making my desserts and bread from scratch but not tortillas, or crackers, or chips or tomato sauce or......(you get the idea). I don't need to make huge, elaborate meals to be a good wife and mother. I'm learning to be a more simple cook.

-I'm still trying to go a little more green and non toxic in my household cleaners.

-I've learned to use my time a little more wisely and to be more flexible with it throughout the day. To go with the flow. Not against it. I'm spending more time just playing with my girls and my evenings are spent sitting on the couch with Mike. Doing whatever(most likely watching "Lost" online).

I still have my "to do" list.  I still enjoy reading all those blogs. But after a close look, I've noticed even those women warn against burnout. And that you can't do it all.

I'm  now trying to make my list work for me and not the other way around.

I'll let you know how that goes.

 

 

 

 

 

   

It's Been A Party For One Around Here

Where have I been the last couple of days, you ask?(and if you haven't, play along here) I know you have all been anxiously waiting for my newest blog. Ahem. Anyway, moving on. Besides needing a little break from my blogging I've been home throwing little tantrums at God here and there, stomping my feet, holding my breath, sulking and basically whining. I've been letting God know how upset I am that He isn't doing anything I want right now. Humph! Not just the "house arrest" I'm under but with many other things as well.I've been having a pity party( sorry it was just for me. No one else was invited. I was the guest of honor) This isn't working out like I wanted, that isn't going the way I planned, and God isn't giving me the things Ireally want.I mean, good gracious I can't even get one single, flipping comment on the "Crib Tours" guest post I worked so hard on and was so excited about. (I was seriously embarrassed by that.) I mean, I was the only post that didn't receive one.single.comment. I drowned in embarrassment and self doubt about that  one for a few days. Sounds ridiculously lame doesn't it?  I'm now embarrassed to even admit I was embarrassed by it in the first place! I got upset over something so silly!

But now..

Party's about over.

God is really trying to teach me a few things about myself, I think. Things I was too prideful to admit or too stubborn to see.  What I'm writing here is more for my own sake and for my own understanding. Those of you reading this just get to see me working things out on paper.You see, I think I have control issues. I never thought of myself as a control freak. Me? A control freak?  But layer by layer of prayer-not-answered-the-way-I-want, God is showing me things about myself. Not so pretty things. Things that need the shining light of the Son to bring them out of darkness.

I'm a manipulator.

I'd decided that if I have to stay here for a long while still(because I'm still holding out for Texas!) then I was going to manipulate my circumstances in such a way they would make me happier to be here, right now.

Did you catch that?

I wanted my circumstances to make me happier.

I expected my children to make me happy, my husband, my church, my friends, my activities, my house, my things, other circumstances, (even the weather!)  all to bring me joy. If I could just get the things, activities and people around me to be how I want them, then I could see myself enjoying living here. Then things would be how I wanted them. Now, this is not to say that wanting those things is bad. What is bad about it is that I was/am looking for happiness in the wrong place.

I'm looking for my circumstances to make me happy and not choosing to  find my source of happiness in the Lord, who in turn gives me joy in my circumstances. Whatever they may be.

So, I really feel like God has been saying " Don't look down for the source of your happiness. Look up!!"

And I've been too busy doing this, or that or the other. Usually complaining and being angry. All the while the Lord has been saying " Woman, look UP!!"

So, to get me to look up, He's been slowly stripping away all the things I thought I had control over. And now, my driving privilege is gone for the next 6 months. My biggest symbol of freedom. The thing I use to go from one thing to the next. One of the tools I use in changing my circumstances to what I want them to be.

So, although I know the not driving is for safety reasons I still let depression sink in and thought  " Now what??". I could really feel the dreary weather and the walls of my cluttered house closing in on me.

And I can just hear God chuckling and saying " Do I have your attention now? Are you ready to listen? You have no choice but to listen. A whole 6 months worth of listening."

So, I'm choosing to see the positive in this new situation. I'm choosing to start seeing the positive in everything. Not just the negative. It's funny. Mike tends to be the more "positive one" in our marriage. He'll see the smallest thing as a positive, whereas, I'll "harrumph" and see the only  negative. 

 I am positive God is going to teach me something and has a bigger purpose for the next 6 months. These lessons I blogged about today are only the beginning. I'm still not quite sure what I'm going to see or learn. But I know it will be worth it.  

I'm closing the door on the pity party and looking.....UP.

 

 

p.s Betcha thought I was done posting my Christmas pictures didn' you? I'm still working on those and have one more "batch" to post. Then, I will be finally done.

You're on the edge of your seat. Don't lie now!

My Goals and Not To Do List For 2009

Where do I start?? I have so much to say and my mind is just all over the place. Bear with me as I make my way back into the blogosphere and try to do so coherently.

I wanted to share with you my goals for this coming year as well as my "Not To Do List". Then, I would love to hear what your goals/resolutions/not to do lists are.

My Goals For 2009 Are:

-To continue getting up early and reading my Bible and spending time in prayer

-To read more Christian living books. I have a couple I want to focus on. Right now I'm reading " The Power Of A Praying Wife" along with my morning Bible reading. It has been amazing.  I highly recommend this book to all wives. I want to read this book several times this year as well as " The Purpose Driven Life". I really think if I focus more on God's word and delving more into writings by godly authors I won't focus so much on my circumstances and give into depressing emotions. As mentioned before Mike and I are going to read " The Love Dare" together. I don't want to start reading too many books at once so I'm going to focus on " The Power Of A Praying Wife" right now. Then we'll do " The Love Dare". I also bought " Sacred Marriage" and would like to add it to my list. I'll keep you posted  on what I think of these books. If you decide to read any of these books let me know what you think as well.

-Along this same line, I would like to start exercising. Before you start laughing, let me explain why exercise is on my list-again- this year. Yes, exercise is great for your health and for losing weight(which I desperately need) but it's also great for emotional well being. As you all know, I struggle a bit with discontentment and letting negative emotions get the best of me. Exercise releases feel- good -endorphins and helps relieve stress. Both of which I need in my life right now. I'm also hoping to trick my brain into wanting to exercise more regularly. Maybe if I'm doing it for a reason other than losing weight I'll succeed!!

In all seriousness, I want to make Bible reading, prayer, positive reading and exercise my top priorities. The main point being my emotional health.

-To stop yelling so much. I admit, it's something I do. I'm a yeller. And I hate that about myself.

-To slowly organize and sift through the clutter in my house

-Finish updating Madelyn's baby book which I'm sadly behind on.

-Spend more quality time with my children instead of focusing on housework,errands and other less important stuff.

-I want to let more go. Dust, insecurities, hurt feelings, petty annoyances, shallow relationships

-Going to say "no" more often. Even to something good, if it's not good for my family at the time.

-I really want to come up with a good  daily schedule that helps me maintain order and make good headway  in my housework each day. Oh, and still be done by 8:00 in the evening so I can sit and relax on the couch with my hubby. Essentially clocking out for the evening.

My Not To Do List-

-Not going to let "the small stuff" get to me

- Not going to expect others/my husband/my children to give me/make me happy. Only God can do that.

-Not going to feel bad for saying "no"
-Not going to over -commit myself

-Not going to waste my time  on relationships/friendships that are shallow, frivolous and time wasting.

-Not going let my kids childhood pass me by while I stress about things I have no control over at this point.

 

So, what are your goals/resolutions/ not -to- do's this year?

I've uploaded my Christmas pictures and I'll be posting those next.

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Lessons From 6AM:Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This(sorry this is a long post, but I hope well worth the read)

Yesterday was not a good day. Actually the past couple of weeks have not been good. As I've mentioned in previous posts I do struggle with discontentment and maybe even depression at times. I wouldn't dare trivialize true depression and anxiety that many people suffer so I will  not put myself in that category. My depression, I believe, is self inflicted. If that makes sense at all. It's circumstantially based. As in- I'm not happy with my circumstances and I REALLY want God to change them RIGHT NOW. And if things are not going the way I expected and want I feel overwhelmed, angry, and depressed. There's a lot going on in our lives right now that I don't write too much about because it's personal and it involves several facets of our lives.

A lot of stuff that bothers me. And depresses me. 

Rest assured, my marriage is fine,  my  kids are fine, our health is fine and we're struggling along financially as best we can in this economy. And with living in "Taxachussets". Which is part of my problem. Living in Massachusetts. But, I digress.

 I've had my good moments of course. I've had funny things happen, I've had my emotional ups and days where I want to weep with gratefulness to God for my wonderful husband, my children that I love so much I can hardly stand it sometimes.And then I've had days like yesterday, where nothing seems to be going right, I'm not happy with anything I want to ship my children, my husband and my house....to China. But yesterday I just wept.

A lot.

Yesterday started out fine. I took the girls to the mall to get their pictures taken at The Picture People.As anyone with small children knows, it's hard to get them to cooperate with you while taking pictures. I seemed to have forgotten this yesterday. I figured I'd get Katelyn's three year pictures done and then we'd throw Madelyn and a Christmas tree in a couple of the pictures and call it a day. I'd have my Christmas cards all done and some lovely pictures of the girls to show off. Katelyn started out doing well in the pictures and but after about 3 or 4 shots she was ready to quit. The photographer had other plans for her. On and on Katelyn's photo shoot went. Madelyn walked around getting into things and trying to get in the pictures we didn't want her in. When the time came for Maddy to be in the pictures Katelyn was in a terrible mood and Madelyn no longer wanted to be in the pictures. The photographer had me doing all sorts of things to keep Katelyn and Madelyn in the positions she wanted them. May I also point out that she did not have the best manner with children and made her frustration very obvious. Pose after pose did not turn out right. I was ready to strangle both of the girls by the time we had some good shots of them. Madelyn just did not want to cooperate at all and cried a lot. I had to continually threaten Katelyn and demand she smile for the pictures so we could get it over with. It was finally done and I was frustrated, hot, aching and sweaty. Then came the waiting for the pictures to be on the large screens so we could view them. While we were waiting Katelyn asked to go play. I said ok, go play. The PP has a large, colorful ottoman- like seat in the front and an art easel and just plenty of open space to play around in. At that point I just wanted her to go play and let me chill for a bit. She kept asking me to come with her and I kept saying I didn't need to come with her . She could go to the front of the room and play while I sad at the tables towards the back and watched her. So she said "I can go by myself?" I said "Yes, Katelyn, you can go play by yourself."

Well, turns out we miscommunicated a bit.

 What she was really trying to ask me was to go out into the mall to the Santa's Village area where Santa was taking pictures with the kids. She kept thinking that was a play area.

I did not understand this at the time.

So I busied myself with putting the girls' stuff back in their bags and giving Madelyn her juice. When I looked up, Katelyn was gone. I checked all over the big room thinking she had gone behind the counter or gone into one of the photography rooms. Nope. She was not in Picture People anymore. With mounting panic I ran out into the mall and started calling her name. I didn't see her anywhere. I ran back inside PP and grabbed Madelyn and headed out into the mall screaming her name like a mad woman. I was beginning to feel hysterical and like I was going to cry at this point. Then I heard Katelyn screaming my name. I looked to the right and she was running towards me with Santa right behind her. She had walked to "Santa's Village"(which to be fair, was not too far away from the PP) and apparently walked right inside to where Santa was. He apparently was trying to figure out who she belonged to and she realized she didn't like him as much as she thought she would. She came running and crying to me saying " IIII don't waaaant Saaaanta!!". I grabbed on to her and marched her back into the Picture People with a mixture of relief and fury that she  had scared me like that. I let her have it in front of everyone in PP and then held her for awhile. We then had to talk about her walking away from me in public. At that point I was very thankful that -

a) she is loud, can out scream the best of them.

b) was afraid of Santa

c) remembered which way to run to get back to the PP.

So, our pictures were finally ready to just bed viewed and I labored over my decision of which pictures were the best. I then let myself be talked into buying a large, expensive picture package complete with framed photo collages etc. That whole process took awhile so by the end of it we were all starving and very, very cranky. Since the PP have your pictures ready to go in about an hour I thought we could eat, I'd let the girls play in the play area and we'd look at the Christmas displays in Target since Katelyn really enjoys that. Well, little things kept going wrong and Katelyn was being a pain about everything. I was really getting annoyed and angry with her attitude and behavior. I'd finally had enough and decided we were going to pick up the pictures and leave. It's was almost 2:00 by this time. The girls fell asleep in the car on the way home and did NOT nap once we got home. So the rest of the day was frustrating and cranky. When Mike got home he was not real happy with the amount I spent on the pictures  and I almost had to take most of them back. I admit to having spent a ridiculous amount on a package that I let myself get talked into. But we did come to a good agreement by the end of our discussion. I almost didn't want to look at the pictures by the end of the evening I was so frustrated and discouraged. I got all emotional and began to cry and couldn't stop for awhile. I just felt down in the dumps about everything. Even stuff that didn't happen yesterday. Thankfully I have a caring, compassionate husband who just held me and comforted me for awhile. We had a nice talk and by the end I was feeling much better.

I woke up this morning and read Psalms and found a lot of comfort and wisdom in them.

God reminded me again that He is control.

That I'm an adult and days like this, even weeks like this happen.

That even when things aren't going exactly the way I want them, I'm still blessed way more than I deserve because I have my salvation. 

That even though I want to hide from unpleasantness, confrontation, and mistakes I need to face them. He wants me to learn from mistakes, confrontation and unpleasant things.

He wants my character to grow and reflect Him.

I can't throw little tantrums about everything and expect Him to give me what I want. He's not going to show me new things until I learn to accept what He's trying to teach me and show me now.

Today was a much better day. Praise the Lord. As much as I want this blog to be full of funny stories and cute pictures, I have to share my reality too.  I have to share what the Lord is doing in my life. And hopefully it will be an encouragement to you. I will shut it down here since this is so long.

 If you've read this far.. thank you.

 

No Crying Over Tossed Turkey Stir Fry

So, I'm taking some time to vent here today. There's no cute pictures or funny stories of the girls in this post. Just pure frustration. And possibly a little humor. Possibly.

Last night was the last class for Mike's "40 Day Makeover" class he has taken for about 6 weeks now. They end the class with a banquet made from food from the recipe book that is passed out to the class a few weeks before. The recipe book is neat and has healthy recipes based on the book "Body By God" by Dr. Ben Lerner. Each person gets a recipe and has to bring whatever dish was selected for him/her. Each attendee is also encouraged to bring a guest to the banquet and final class. Because Mike doesn't cook I was the one who had to make the food for the banquet. The dish that Mike selected was called Turkey Breast/Vegetable Stir Fry. I am going to post the recipe here so you can see what goes in it, how much I had to buy to make it and double the recipe and just in case anyone likes stir fry and would like to try it at home.

"Recipe's By God" Turkey Breast/Vegetable Stir Fry

*1 Tbsp. cornstarch

tbsp. honey

*3/4 tsp. green ginger(I could not find green ginger so I used regular,sliced ginger)

1/2 tsp chili powder

1/4 tsp. garlic powder

1/4 tsp. pepper

1/2 cup cold water

1/2 cup soy sauce

*1 LB turkey breast, cut into three strips(I cut these into several smaller strips)

2 Tbsp. olive oil

*2 cups cauliflower

2 cups broccoli

1 large onion, chopped

1 cup sliced carrots

 

In a small bowl, whisk together the first eight ingredients until smooth, then set aside. In a skillet, stir-fry turkey breast in olive oil for 3-5 minutes. Add broccoli,cauliflower, onion, carrots and soy sauce mixture. Cover and cook for 8 minutes, stirring occasionally.

 

If you'll notice, I put asterisks next to some of the ingredients. Those are the ingredients I had to buy because I usually don't have those in the house. So, the rule was that if you were coming by yourself you were to make enough for yourself and 6 people and if you were bringing a guest you were supposed to bring enough for them and 6 people. I thought that was going a little overboard but figured I should follow the rules. Since I didn't know exactly how much the recipe made I just doubled it and called it a day. Since I had already purchased two packages of turkey breast cutlets I made a trip to the grocery store yesterday to purchase a couple more, you know, just in case.I also needed a few more of the ingredients for the dish. I had to look long and hard for the two remaining packages of turkey breast and I scoured the store for green ginger to no avail. I found every other kind of ginger but not one green one. Since I was going to be cooking for people I didn't know I was all nervous and wanted to put  my best culinary foot forward. I began cooking at 5:00 and the dish wasn't done until almost 7:00,which was the time the banquet started. Thankfully, the Chiropractic office is just down the road from us. So I slaved away for over an hour measuring, chopping, cutting, peeling and stirring. Since I doubled the recipe my skillet was overflowing so I figured that would be sufficient. I cooked away amidst two crying and fussing girls and the beginnings of a migraine. I was going to make the best darn turkey stir fry those people had ever tasted!! The dish was finally done and I filled a huge, ceramic bowl with the stir fry goodness. Mind you, neither Mike nor I are huge stir fry eaters and we really don't like cauliflower all that much which was in abundance in this dish. But it smelled good and looked colorful. We get to the banquet and lo and behold I was not the only one assigned to make the turkey stir-fry. There were at least four other people who had been assigned the same dish.  I was not in on this vital piece of information.Needless to say there was a ton of vegetable turkey stir fry at this banquet.For about 50 people. And, only about 5 of whom chose to eat out of my particular bowl of the stuff. I know this for a fact. I was watching. And counting. That included me. And Mike. And the instructor who ate a little of everyone's dish. I think I actually got nauseous. And my headache returned. We were going to have to take back home an almost full, LARGE bowl of stir-fry,enough for at least 12 people, to a house where no one would eat the stuff.It tasted pretty good, but again, we weren't crazy about it. I know Katelyn and Madelyn would have refused it. I ended up throwing all of it away last night. Mike kept telling me not to let it bother me. Not to be upset. If was for a fun event and a good cause. We just did what we were told. " I wouldn't have made all that had I known other people were bringing the same dish! I thought everyone was bringing something different!!" I said. " Let it go" he said. I tried not to let my brain calculate the amount of money and time that was completely wasted on that food. I tried not to cry and get sick as I dumped it into the trash. I'm still bummed out about it today. So, I needed to vent and write about it. And let it go. You know the old saying " No crying over spilled milk tossed vegetable turkey stir-fry!"

Something I'm Trying

So, I got this idea from one of my favorite bloggers, MckMama, over at My Charming Kids. I was reading her advise on how she gets her small children to eat so well and so healthy. Katelyn is very picky(as I'm sure I've mentioned many times before) and acts like I'm poisoning her every time I offer her something a) new b) green or c) that isn't shaped like a chicken nugget. She will very reluctantly take a tiny bite of everything off her plate but only after much threatning, cajoling, gentle guidance. She also will take a bite and then down it with chocolate milk. I really wish she would just stop and actually taste some of the food I offer her because then she would see that it actually tastes good! She automatically assumes the healthier foods are going to taste terrible. Now, my once great eater Maddy is also spitting out most vegetables I offer her and seems to be getting more particular about what she puts in her mouth. She's not as bad as Katelyn but still, it's frustrating! So anyhow, MckMama says that she offers her children only healthy food and offers them many choices on their plates at once. She gives them little bits of many different healthy foods. This way they can choose what they want to eat off their plate and they are still eating healthy food. I'll show you an example of what I understood her to be saying with what I offered Katelyn and Madelyn a few days ago. I didn't offer as many choices as MckMama does but you'll get the idea.

Madelyn's plate of food for lunch

Katelyn's plate of food for lunch

As you can see they both have basically the same stuff. Madelyn still can't eat all the stuff Katelyn can( raw carrots, apples with skin etc) so I improvise. I would usually offer Katelyn the meat and veggies first and then end with the fruit(which she loves and would only eat if I let her) But now I offer both girls at least two choices of veggies and fruits and maybe two "proteins". They usually don't have problems with the carb I offer so I don't tend to offer two of those choices. I don't put a lot of anything on the plate. I know it looks like that in this picture but it wasn't. Trust me. Whatever is not eaten I serve again at snack or the next meal so I don't waste food. Plus, the portions are so small sometimes that if they ate well and took a bite or two I feel it was worth it so I just toss the scraps. This method seems to be working better. Katelyn and Madelyn do tend to eat the fruit, carb, cheese  and meat first but Katelyn is much more open to trying the veggies. I offer them consistently at lunch and dinner. She seems to be getting used to the fact that she is required to eat her veggies. They will not be going away anytime soon. Plus, she also doesn't get to leave the table until she takes at least two bites of vegetable. It's not taking her as long to comply now. I can't really insist that Maddy eat anything  specific right now since she is still a baby but I keep offering a variety of vegetables to her and I think she will eventually eat them better. She still eats more of a variety than Katelyn does so I'm not too worried. I usually  "cook" more for dinner but still apply the same principles. I don't cook a lot of different things but I do keep a lot of raw veggies and other things around that are ready for me to just add to whatever it is we are eating that night. Anyway, just thought I'd share my new idea.

What are your thoughts?

Contentment...It's A Beautiful Thing

I don't know about you, but contentment is hard for me. I think I've struggled with it all my life. You may be thinking " Uuhh, Melissa, what do you have to be discontent about?" And, you would be right. I have a wonderful, loving and hardworking husband, two absolutely precious and adorable little girls,friends, a loving family my salvation, a nice house, 3 cars, food to eat, too many clothes, too many toys, and the list goes on and on. I've found that I live with the "if onlys" a lot. If you were to do a contentment summary of my life starting from 13 year old me this is what you would see:

A home schooled Melissa thinking- " Things will be perfect once I can start going to school and not being home schooled anymore. Maybe I'll even get a boyfriend. BTW, I was home schooled until the 6th grade and had huge dreams of what going to school would actually be like. I was going to be popular, have lots of cool girlfriends and boys were going to like me...and think I was pretty. I started going to an American Christian school in Brazil in the 8th grade. I  was able to skip half of 6th and all of 7th due to my homeschooling education.Well, things were not at all what I expected. My first year and a half there was pure, adolescent hell, in my opinion. I was NOT  popular, did not really have friends and...boys did NOT like me. I was an outcast. Much of  it due to my own insecurities, the rest due to the cruelty of  high school kids. But, I digress.... Things did get better.  Of course I then thought," If only I had long hair and didn't wear glasses anymore. I would be popular and ....boys would like me and I'd have a boyfriend". Well, I grew out the bad "Annie" perm I had and exchanged my glasses for contacts. Did it change my contentment in high school? Nope. I had fun, and good friends but I still wanted more. I never did get that boyfriend.

Fast Forward to my senior year. " Once we move to the US and I go to college and become a "normal" American, college girl things will be perfect for me. And I'll have a boyfriend"  I went all through junior college and studying elementary education at a smaller college in New Hampshire. I continued to have the "if only" thoughts. " If only I lost some weight, had a better job, met some new people and had a boyfriend...things would be perfect"

I finally did get that boyfriend, when I was 21. My one and only, husband Mike. "Aha!" you say. "Now you must've finally been happy and content." AAh, no. We got engaged and I wished the time away to my wedding. My wedding was beautiful and I loved every second of it. We moved into our first home, our condo. My family moved back to Texas. Fast forward a couple of years " Lord, if only you'd give me a house and get me out of this tiny condo, then, things will be perfect and I'll be content."  The Lord answered that prayer and gave us this house. I was ecstatic!! I thought this was the best house EVER. A few months went by and the baby bug really hit full force( It had been nudging me quite a bit before but now I had the room for the baby).

So baby obsessed Melissa prayed for 18 months " Lord, if you'd only allow me to get pregnant and have a baby I'd be so happy and things would be perfect."  God finally answered that prayer with my miracle baby Katelyn in October of 05.

I was definitely on cloud 9 for awhile but the dark seed of discontentment set in once again. I started hating the area that I lived in, my house, the church I attended at the time, the weather, even the people I was around frequently. I missed my family like crazy and could hardly think of a good thing about the New England area where I live. Nothing was right and I wanted to move to Texas and be near my family. I also hated having to work and really just wanted to stay home with Katelyn and my future children( which, of course, I blamed on the expensive economy of New England). And I prayed " Lord if only you would allow me to stay home and not have to work anymore things would be much better and I could be happier".  Needless to say, the Lord did, indeed, answer that prayer as well. Mike got a new job that payed more and I got to stay home with Katelyn and then Madelyn, who was born right after I left work for good. Staying home did not make me content. It did make things better, but it didn't solve the problem. I  still struggle daily with contentment. Now I find myself thinking " If only I could move to Texas and be close to my family, things would be perfect". 

As you can see, the Lord has time and time again answered my prayers, even when I didn't deserve it and even when I was acting like an ungrateful, spoiled brat. He has done so much for me. I can still throw a little mental tantrum over the fact that I don't get to be near my family, or live in the state I love so much. It has become a focal point in my life. But, I have come to realize that, circumstances are not going to make me content. I will probably always find something that I think will make things " just a little bit better". Even in Texas.  It's a battle in my mind and heart. I have to daily rely on God to make me content in HIM and WHEREVER He has me. Everything that goes on in my life, the area He has me living in right now and the life He has given me to live, He's done it for a reason. He has a purpose for why He has things the way they are at this time. I know, things could be a lot worse. Truly, I know there are people out there with problems more serious than mine and complaints way bigger than mine. But, it's nice to know God cares about our petty complaints.

I recently read this quote in the Bible study book that some friends and I are doing each week : "I am not an afterthought. All God's love-inspired pre-planning for each of us is hot haphazard or impersonal. His timing may throw me or His sovereign plan may grieve me, but I am always sheltered in His sovereign hand." (Marilyn Meberg)

I have to daily remember all the good "works" that God has done for me in the past and that He has never let me down. I have to literally, count my blessings. I came across this Bible verse in the Psalms that really smacked me upside the head

" I will remember the works of the Lord, surely I will remember your wonders of old. I will also meditate on all your work and talk of your deeds". Ps. 77:11-12

That's exactly what I need to do every day! I tend to conveniently forget what the Lord has provided for me and sink into a little one person pity party. And then I was hit over the head with this whopper-" Now godliness with contentment is great gain" I Tim 6:6. Ya think God was trying to tell me something? Contentment was apparently a problem even back in Biblical times. I think what this verse is saying in a nutshell is- people who depend solely on God for contentment have everything they need and are already ahead in the contentment game. I don't need different circumstances I need to allow God to work contentment in my heart  and see the good in the circumstances that I'm already in.  If I keep "wishing" my life away I will never be truly content. I don't want my children to grow up with a mommy who's mind was never happy with the "right now". A mommy who's mind was cluttered with "what ifs " and " if onlys".

If you've read this far you deserve a sticker! Thanks for reading my ramblings. I wanted to open my heart a little and share what I am struggling with right now. I'm a daily work in progress. Now I must go clean up a bit and get ready for bed!