Simply Mel(Formerly Mama Monoblogs)

Pet Peeve Of The Day/Friendly(hopefully)Discussion

I may be opening a can of worms with this Pet Peeve/discussion. And I may not, depending on who decides to join in on it. I hope many people will chime in with their views on this today. And I hope we can all walk away(still) friends.Let me start by saying I mean no offense to any woman reading this and I am not picking on anybody specifically.(Other than the general group of women I'm talking about, of course.) This is just my opinion and my feelings on the subject.

So what in the heck am I going to talk about that needed this huge introduction? Natural Delivery vs Drug Assisted Delivery/Parenting styles/ Breastfeeding vs Bottle of, course!

With the gaggle of family and friends having new babies this spring and summer all of these topics have been a source of discussion all around. So, I figured I'd discuss on my blog.

Here are my Pet Peeves and thoughts on these subjects-

*Women who think they are superior to other women and deserve a medal of honor by the fact that they had a natural delivery. Let's face it, we all know a mom like that. Anytime the subject of birth comes up she mentions in a "better than thou" patronizing tone how she had 50 hours of labor, and pushed for 10 hours all with NO DRUGS!!! *

And you know what? That's great. And sharing that information during a birth conversation is absolutely fine.But you know the kind of woman I'm talking about. The one who wants applause once she done with her all natural birth story. If she chooses to have her baby that way and go through everything she went through that is her right. Good for her. Me? Not so much. I think if you are able to deliver a healthy baby with minimal complications-good for you! I think all women deserve a pat on the back no matter how they delivered their baby. I know the number of women having c-sections is on the rise. I don't agree with elective c-sections but if your doctor and you feel that during labor a c-section is called for, I say go for it. I personally would have loved to have delivered my girls naturally(although it most likely would have been drug assisted). And, surprisingly enough, even though I had c-sections, they're smart! And healthy! And have developed normally. I even spoke to my doctor about a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean) with Madelyn. But after looking at my labor history with Katelyn and getting some more info on VBACs I decided to go with the c-section with Madelyn. And now..who knows with my next one? My uterus was nicked during Madelyn's delivery and I had extra blood loss so a VBAC may not be an option anymore. I have friends and family who have had their babies all naturally and it was a good experience for them. Or...as good as giving birth can be! And they are very pleasant and non superior-acting about it.

*Women who push their opinions on breast feeding and they're preferred parenting style on other women*

We all also know women like that.The way they parent and feed their children is the
only and best way. We have all heard that breast is best and I agree. I think breastfeeding has a wealth of benefits for mothers and babies. I didn't breast feed either of my girls because of the seizure medication I was on. Now that I have new information on that subject  I would like to try to breastfeed any of my future children. I think if you can breastfeed and feel comfortable doing so you should do it. Anywhere, anytime. However, many women these days don't  like/ can't/don't want to/ don't find it comfortable/ don't lead the kind of  lifestyle to breastfeed. It stresses and overwhelms the best of moms. I don't think women who choose not to breastfeed are terrible mothers. I don't think their children are going to grow up and not be able to get into Harvard because they weren't breastfed. Again, I have family and friends who go from one end of the spectrum to the other. I have friends who think breastfeeding is just plain gross!!

Then we get to parenting styles...aaahhh. To spank or not to spank? Timeouts? Let the baby cry it out or not? Can you ever spoil an infant? Tummy sleeping even though it's not recommended anymore? Co-sleeping or children sleeping in their beds? Should toddlers watch t.v? Home school or public/private school?

Here's how I've chosen to parent- I do believe in spanking. I'm sure I'll write a post on that at some point. I don't believe in abuse or beatings. I don't believe in spanking out of anger. I do believe there is a right way to spank. I don't think spanking teaches children that it's ok to hit. I think it's ok for children to know that parents can spank them but they do not have the right to hit another child. I also think time outs can be used at the right time. I don't personally agree with co-sleeping although it seems like there are many family's who have done it and have been happy with the results. My babies have gone in their cribs as early as four weeks old. They slept better this way and so did I. I got my children on routines as early as possible. I let them learn to put themselves to sleep at an early age. I let them cry a bit but never for too long. I did rock them but not to put them to sleep. Unless they were sick. As result my girls have always been fabulous sleepers and have slept through the night at an early age. I let my girls watch t.v. Probably too much by some standards.  But they are also very smart, creative and active. I don't think it's hindered their growth one bit.  I say this because I know women who think some of those things are terrible and make me a terrible mother.And they have the right to that opinion. Just don't force that opinion on me! 

We haven't made up our minds about how we are going to school our children. We're keeping an open mind, however.

So have I successfully offended everyone reading this post? If I haven't then I haven't done my job. Just kidding... just kidding.

So, what are your thoughts and opinions on these subjects? Do you think I'm terribly wrong? Totally agree with me? Somewhere in the middle? Tell me!

Oh, and ...be nice. Please.

Pet Peeve(s) Of The Day

Ok. Here's a scenario for you. Tell me if this has ever happened to you:
You're in a public play area  with your child, be it the playground, mall play area or even a large play group. You are keeping an eye on your child, making sure they play safely and nicely with the other children. When suddenly you notice that another child is trying to take away a toy from /pushing/fight/keeps cutting in front of/ your child. You feel the "mama bear" come out in you and you wonder " WHERE THE HECK IS THIS CHILD'S MOTHER AND WHY ISN'T SHE DOING ANYTHING ABOUT HER LITTLE BRAT??"

Hence my Pet Peeve- Mothers Who Do Not Watch Their Kids In Public Play Areas And Let Them Do and Get Away With Horrible Behavior, Manners and All Manner Of Rudeness. And even worse in my book are - MOTHERS WHO SEE THEIR CHILD'S HORRENDOUS BEHAVIOR AND DO...NOTHING!!! 

I'm tired of mother's who see their child taking another child's toy and just keep on blabbing with their friends. Or, mother's who just yell out at their kid but don't actually do anything to make them stop. Or, my personal favorite, mothers  that make excuses for their child's  bad behavior. Here's a thought, if you need to make excuses for your child's poor behavior around other children, don't bring them to public play areas and zone out!! If your child needs some lessons  in social skills, stay on top of them and teach them manners. And if this isn't working, leave! Don't let them loose on a group of unsuspecting children. Not everyone thinks your child or their behavior is cute.

I seem to find myself in this situation all the time ,which is why I don't like public play areas. Some moms would have no qualms about walking over and telling the bratty child off and reminding him of his manners. I hate correcting other people's children when their parents are around. When they're not, that's a different story. No holds barred on that one. I feel like if the offending child's parents are nearby they should be the ones disciplining their children. Not me!!

Here's another scenario for your consideration.  This one actually happened to me a few weeks ago. I changed many of the details to protect the innocent but the general idea is still the same. I also like everyone involved. I'm sharing it because it broadly has to do with my "Pet Peeve Of The Day".

We're having a playgroup. There are 6 kids. The kids are going to do an art project. I have two pink paintbrushes and four paintbrushes of other various colors. I have two girls who I know for sure are going to pick pink(Katelyn being one of them). I also pretty much know the colors that everyone else is going to pick so I try to please by providing those. I start passing them out counter clock wise with Katelyn being the last person to pick. The first girl takes the first pink one. And on down the line until you get to a boy who usually picks green.During the choosing process Katelyn has been saying " I want the pink one!". There are two blue ones, one green one and the pink one left. The little boy goes to take the green one and then looks up at Katelyn as she is practically coming out of her skin saying " I want the pink one!" and moves his hand to the pink one and takes that one. Katelyn then bursts into tears. The boys mom, who is at the table as well, says to the boy " Do you really want the pink one?" and the boys says "Yes". So the mom says "Ok" and that's that. I'm  furious a the spiteful little boy and Katelyn is devastated.I go find an alternative purple one that I think she will like. She is mollified and the playgroup continues without further incident.

Here are my thoughts on this - The mom should have made the boy give Katelyn the pink paintbrush!!! She plainly saw the spiteful move on her son's part and let it go! If that had been Katelyn I would have immediately said " You just did that to be mean. Give him the pink one." And most likely would have made her leave the table!! I know it's just a paintbrush. I know the children were free to choose whichever color they wanted. I'm sure it was annoying to hear Katelyn repeating " I want the pink one!".

But still.

Thoughts?

What NOT To Say When Someone Is Venting..

This post was originally going to be  a "Pet Peeve Of The Day" post but since I had more to share with it, it's a sort of  baring-(part)of-my- soul-which-includes-a pet peeve post. I have a ton of cute pictures and other stuff to post about  later but this post is going to be me, venting. I usually like to keep my blog on the "positive" side for the most part and not try to  go too negative or whiny. But, my life is faaaar from perfect, I'm far from being the happiest, most content, most put together, self-disciplined, non struggling and emotionally contained person. And sometimes, I like to share part of that person with you.

Have you ever felt like God is not answering OR currently saying "no" to the prayer requests you most want answered? I have three, what I would consider major, prayer requests right now. Things I pray for most days and things I long for with all my heart. Things that are always on my mind and that I feel affect my life the most right now.God, is, currently, not answering  any of them and I've been praying for most of them  year or more. Or should I say, God is not answering them the way I want.Now, before anyone thinks " My goodness, she has so much to be thankful for and God blesses her every day. How can she feel like God is not answering her prayers right now". Don't worry, I've beat you to it. Most days I feel guilty for being upset with God for not answering those prayers. They are requests that if God were never to answer them, I'd still be a super blessed woman. I know this. Yet, I still get angry at God and have even thrown some tantrums in His presence because He is not doing/giving me what I want. I know many people might look at the requests and think they were prayed for with a selfish,silly and even ungrateful heart. Yet, I don't see it that way. I feel the disappointment and frustration every day that those requests go unanswered and those feelings are very real to me.

This brings me to my pet peeve.

I cannot STAND IT when you're venting or even ,let's admit, complaining to someone about struggles you are having or about an issue that is currently plaguing you and their reply is something like this-

" Well, at least you're not dying of cancer like so and so, and your house wasn't hit by a tornado like so and so, and you have your health and all your limbs, unlike so and so. At least you aren't going through all of that. You should be thankful instead of complaining about what you're complaining about."

Now hear me out on this one. I am over exaggerating a bit on the reply. I don't really know anybody with any of these issues and I would never poke fun at these issues if there was someone in my life who was going through any of these things. I'm just pointing out the type of reply I've gotten, way too many times in my opinion, when I have gone out on a limb and vented to people in my life. I also know that I do have sooo much to be grateful for and I would never presume to put my issues in the same category as severe health issues, loss of children, husband, job, home, infertility, etc etc. But just because I have not had to go through any of these things doesn't mean I never have struggles that are meaningful to me. There is always going to be someone out there who's struggles are worse than mine. I have people in my life now who's struggles are worse than mine. I understand that. But, sometimes I still need to vent. And although my issues may seem small and trivial next to someone else's they don't always seem small and trivial to me. So, what I guess I'm saying is- my pet peeve is when I do a little venting and someone flippantly tries to put my attitude "in perspective" by showcasing how my issues could be so much worse.

Thanks.

All I was looking for was a nodding head, listening ear and maybe a " Hey that stinks. Sorry to hear that. I'll pray for you." When I get that response, usually, I move on, pray about it and the Lord convicts me and corrects me if my attitude needs adjusting.

Here is example:  When I had been trying to get pregnant for the first time with Katelyn and I had been trying for over a year I finally put myself on the line and shared my feelings about that issue in a ladies Bible study I was leading. I had never really opened up about it and tried to keep a "happy face"  about the time it was taking I even started crying while talking about it. My closest "friend" at the time was in this Bible study. She looked angry while I was talking. I was wondering what was up. She said to me, haughtily, afterwards- how could I complain about not getting pregnant when there was so and so in our group who was in her forties and was still looking for a husband? At least I had a husband. I was dumbfounded. And I didn't know what to think. The guilt came and then the anger came. And we had it out. As you can guess, we didn't remain friends for much longer after that.And not only because of that one comment. There were many other incidents. But I digress....

Another example: I have, on occasion, been known to complain these past 6 months about my non driving status. I've been told-

-At least it's not for a year

-At least it's not for the rest of my life

-Luckily for me, my seizures are controlled with meds unlike so many other people.

-At least my seizures are at night and not during the day like so and so's.

Again, I am super thankful and aware of all this. I really am. I have a friend who has never been able to drive and has seizures all the time. During the day. I cannot even imagine what that must be like. And she also seems to have the most amazing attitude about it. I truly admire her.

But, sometimes, I still vent about having to be completely dependent on other people to get me from point A to point B. About how I've felt closed in. Especially since I had been driving and coming and going as I pleased. I was pretty active in the driving world.

So, my point is, if someone is venting to you about a personal struggle and you consider them a close friend, and even if you think their complaint is completely trivial, nod your head, pat their arm, listen and say " Hey, that really stinks.I'm sorry to hear that. I'll pray for you."

It will do them a world of good. And if you're my friend and you have something on your heart you need to share, I promise I'll lend a listening ear and show you some love.  Because sometimes, we all need a listening ear and to have our complaints validated.

Even when they're stupid.

Pet Peeve(s) Of The Day

Pet Peeve:
n. Informal

Something about which one frequently complains; a particular personal vexation.

Out of all the definitions of "pet peeve" this was my favorite. Especially " a particular personal vexation". What peeves me may not peeve you. I'm one of those people that has a long list of pet vexations. I wasn't blessed with the type of personality that doesn't get bothered by anything. In fact, those people peeve me! (Where's my list so I can add them to it....) I'm still fuming because I was about to finish this post earlier this morning when I accidentally.deleted.everything. Yet another thing to add to my pp list!

This first pet peeve of mine is kind of  drawn out one so I'm going to present it to you in a scenario taken from my very own life. It happens to us all the time. Here it is:

It's a rushed Sunday morning and we discover, yet again, that we are pressed for time so we decide we'll have breakfast in the car on the way to church. We head to our favorite place for in-the-car-breakfast-Dunkin' Donuts. We pull up to the ordering speaker box and following scene acts out almost every time.( For the purpose of this story DDE= Dunkin' Donuts Employee and M=Mike)

DDE(from speaker box): (crackle, crackle, static) ...'Come to crackle ... 'In  crackle ...'Nuts what can I crackle hiss... 'day?

M: Uh, I'll have a white milk, a blueberry muffin, a chocolate milk, two glazed donuts, a grilled cheese flatbread and a medium hot coffee, extra cream and regular sugar.

(long static-y pause...)

M: Hello?

DDE: crackle, hiss, crackle, crackle, hiss ..............'day?

Mike: I'm sorry?

DDE: WILL. THAT. BE. ALL .TODAY?(this always said like Mike is dumb, ignorant and doesn't speak english)

M: Yes

(another long static-y pause.)

DDE: Please pull up

(So here we pull up only a few feet to the window where another DD employee meets us.)

DDE: How many milks did you have again?

M: Two

DDE: And what were they?

M: A white and a chocolate


(DDE leaves to get them.)
A few seconds later....


DDE: And what were those donuts?

M: Two glazed


(DDE goes and gets donuts)


DDE: And you had a medium iced coffee, extra sugar, right?

M: A medium HOT coffee extra CREAM, REGULAR SUGAR

DDE: Oh, ok. Be right back.

(DDE comes back hands us a tray with the milks and coffee and a bag with the donuts and blueberry muffin.)

DDE: That will be a total of $$.$$

M: Uh....I ordered a grilled cheese flatbread too.

DDE: Oh!Ok....... Be right back.

And so, finally, we have everything we ordered and we drive off. Sometimes the order is correct and every now and then, after all that, the order is still WRONG.

Do you see the vexing part in this story? What's the point of  pre-ordering in the speaker box if they are just going to ask you your order all over again at the window? Why do they act like they have our order down if they really don't? How does our complete order completely get lost between the speaker box and the ten feet to the window?

That's my pet peeve(s) of the day.

Does this ever happen to you?