Simply Mel(Formerly Mama Monoblogs)

"The Love Dare" Week 2 Recap

UPDATE FROM LAST WEEK: This week I was able to complete one of the dares from the previous week that I didn't finish. The dare that said I needed to buy something for my spouse that let them know I was thinking of them I completed on Wednesday of last week. Unfortunately, it had to do with unhealthy food! On our way back from the library I buy the girls pink frosted donuts as a treat ( a tradition Papa started when he was driving us to the library) so while I was at it I got Mike two Boston Cream donuts which he loves. He was very surprised and grateful but didn't act overly excited or anything.

As of today Mike has not told me his three things that make him uncomfortable or irritated with me. He said he's still thinking. I did the right thing and asked him again, as much as I didn't want to. *Cringe* If he doesn't hurry up I may have to end up breaking one of the dares to get him to do his part!!

WEEK 2

Day 6- 

 I had to choose today to react in a loving way rather than that with irritation to tough circumstances in our marriage. I also had to make a list of areas that I needed to add a little bit of a margin to my schedule. (To keep me from reacting with irritation to Mike over conflicts/interruptions in schedules). Then I needed to make a list of any wrong motivations(that cause me to react with irritation to Mike) that I need to release from my life.

This was a very personal dare and I won't share every detail of what I journaled about. I did realize that I need to be a little more flexible when Mike calls me and asks me to do something for him that throws off my day. I tend to be a "tit for tat" person. Because I'm home and Mike has a demanding work schedule, Mike asks me to do a lot of stuff I feel that he should be doing ,sometimes. And I tend to keep score in that area and then expect him to do something for me in return. Usually when he does ask me to do something it's on the spur of the moment and it puts a kink in my day and my mood. I resolved to be more flexible in that area and graciously do what he requests of me to help him out. I also tend to flip out at Mike over bad habits he has. I resolved to react a little more graciously in that area. As to everything else I wrote....is for my eyes only.

Day 7-

I had to make two different lists on two separate sheets of paper. One I had to write a list of positive characteristics about Mike. The second one I had to write a list of negative ones. Then I had to put the lists away  and save them for a separate dare on a different day.  Sometime during the rest of the day I was supposed to thank Mike for having one of those positive characteristics.

This dare was actually pretty easy. Although, it  did take me until the end of the evening to purposefully thank him for being so hard working and such a great provider for our family. I was also supposed to journal about which list was longer and what this revealed about my thoughts. I think both lists were about the same. The positive had a few more characteristics on it but by no means was the negative one really short! Like I mentioned before, once you've been married for a while you come to find many faults with your spouse and this list helped me remember/realize a) the wonderful things about Mike and b) how critical I can be.

Day 8-
This chapter was probably the easiest and "least convicting" because it's an issue we don't struggle with at all. It had to do with being jealous of your spouse and their successes.

The dare was to determine to become Mike's biggest fan and reject any thoughts of jealousy. I had to take the list of negatives from the previous day, burn it and then tell Mike how happy I was about a recent success of his.

I didn't burn the list, as I was afraid to do anything with fire(!) but I did tear the list into tiny pieces and throw them away. Mike has some good news to tell me about work when he got home so I told him how happy I was that he was receiving such great accolades on his work.

Some of the things I was supposed to journal about were- How hard was it to burn the list? what are some positive experiences that we could celebrate in Mike's life? How can I encourage him in his future successes?

It wasn't that hard to tear up the list. I appreciated the symbolism and remind myself of it daily. Since I'm very proud of Mike and his success at his job I don't struggle with jealousy. In fact, the more successful he is the happier I am! One of the things I figured I could do better is to be more patient with him while he's having a stressful time at work and make sure things are running smoothly at home. Try to go over and above what I would usually do to help ease his load a little.

Day 9

I had to think of a specific way I wanted to greet my spouse that day. To try to do it with enthusiasm and a smile. I had to determine to think more about how my greetings each day affect him and to put more thought into them.

Again, this wasn't one that I have too hard a time with. As I mentioned in my last post, I want to put more effort into greeting him when he gets home smelling nicely and looking a little more put-together. I made sure that when he called to tell me he was on his way home to sound happy to hear from him and not rushed or disinterested. (Which I'm usually not anyway)

Day 10

I was supposed to do something out of the ordinary for Mike-something that proves to both of us that my love is based on my choice and nothing else. Demonstrate love to him for the sheer joy of being his partner in  marriage.

I didn't complete this dare on Friday because I had something specific in mind. My plan was to take the trash out last night for him (which is his job) with a good attitude. This may not seem like a big deal but I have to drag several barrells down my long driveway to the curb and then come back and grab two recycling bins and two paper bags of paper to be recycled. It can get to be quite a chore depending on how much stuff we accumulate each week. Mike also tends to forget to take out the trash so we'll go two weeks with trash and recycling accumulated. I thought  that would be a pretty big thing to do( with a non-resentful, smile on my face) for him to show my love. However....I hurt my back on Sunday and was not able to do it. And.... Mike also forgot to do the trash. So we have another week of trash accumulation coming up.Since this is something that Mike would really appreciate I am going to save this dare and attempt to do it next week.

I thought this was a great chapter on showing love through doing things unconditionally for your spouse. Which is something I struggle with. I have determined to do more random acts of kindness for Mike, not out of duty, but because I love him and he would appreciate it. And not keep score or hold against him how  many times I've done something out of the way for him.

Did I mention I really struggle with that?

So, that was week 2. I feel like my eyes are being opened so much and I'm on the road to getting at least honorable mention in the "World's Greatest Wife" contest. *wink*

"The Love Dare" Week 1 Recap

Mike and I have been married eight years this August. We've had a great marriage during this time but not without its ups and downs.It's so true what they say about how once you've been married for awhile you become totally "comfortable" in the relationship and let yourself go. All the little cute,courteous,thoughtful, spontaneous things you did for your boyfriend/girlfriend/fiance while you were dating become less and less frequent. Bad habits come out of the closet. Stuff you thought was cute is no longer cute anymore. It's just annoying.You come to realize that your spouse loves you exactly the way you are, they know everything about you and have seen you at your worst. You said your "I do's for better or for worse" and the "better" becomes "mediocre". You begin to take that fact for granted and you kind of stop trying to "impress" each other. I think every couple goes through a varying degree of this. Some worse than others.

I read about the Virtuous Woman a few weeks ago from Proverbs 21. Verse 12 really caught my eye- She does him {her husband}good and not evil all the days of her life. I realized I don't always do Mike "good". I do a lot of "left over" and give my "good" to my kids and others.Some days Mike was at the bottom of my list in terms of meeting needs. So, I started trying to focus more on Mike's needs and putting him before everybody else. I have not been achieving this 100% but I've been doing better. In turn, Mike really appreciates this and he shows me "good" and it creates a cycle of "doing good" for each other.I've started trying to spruce up a bit before he comes home. Instead of meeting him at the door looking like a homeless person, I put on a clean, more flattering shirt. If I haven't put on deodorant that day, I do so.(Hey, it happens.There are days like that....Don't judge me.) I spritz on some perfume.I swig some mouthwash. I try to greet him when he comes in with a nice smelling hug and kiss. Now, not every day do I look like a total slob. There are just those days that call for fat (sweat)pants, baggy t-shirts and un-deodorized arm pits.I've also tried to do little things that I know he likes and appreciates. It's all stuff I would have done while we were "wooing" each other. Yet, that got lost somewhere along the way of daily life, kids, diapers, work and keeping house. Anyway, this diatribe brings me to the point of this post:
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In trying to improve my part of our marriage I started reading "The Love Dare" last week and I wanted to share a little bit about what I thought and how I did.

I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS BOOK SO FAR.

It has been amazing.convicting and thought provoking. I would put this book up there with " The Purpose Driven Life". But.... for marriage. Seriously. It's worth  reading  several times a year.

Yes, I've come to that conclusion in only one week. When I first bought this book I thought it would be "cute". I enjoyed the movie "Fireproof" and I was curious to see what the dares were. I thought the devotionals on marriage before the daily dares would be nice and inspirational but pretty much all stuff I've heard before.

I WAS WRONG!!

The chapters are short but the words are powerful. It's not anything I haven't heard before ,per se, but it's presented in such a convicting way. The dares have been pretty simple so far but once you try to do them they are a lot harder than you'd think! Depending on what you need to work on in your marriage you may find some harder than others. Once you've read the chapter and worked on completing the dare it gives a spot to journal in and asks some specific questions on how you did, what you did,reactions and emotions.

I am going to share with you what the dares were and how I did with them. I'm not going to give away every detail of the book( because everyone should read it!) and if you really want everything to be a complete surprise stop reading here. I also hope I'm not breaking any copyright laws!

That would be very bad.

Day 1-

Show complete patience with your spouse and resist the urge to say anything negative to your spouse for the whole day.

Do you understand how hard that is? I sure didn't. I totally blew it. I said more than my fair share of negative things that day.

Day 2-

In addition to again not saying anything negative to your spouse do one unexpected, kind gesture.

I was able to refrain from saying anything negative but it was very hard! I know that sounds terrible but once you get comfortable with your spouse it's so easy to just say whatever comes to your mind especially when it comes to pointing out their faults.

Day 3-

Continuing to not say anything negative about/to your spouse buy something for them that day that says "I'm thinking of you".

I, again, was able to refrain from being negative but did not buy him anything. I wasn't driving at that point yet so I wasn't able to go anywhere to get him anything. I do plan on completing this dare this week with something special.

Day 4-

Contact your spouse sometime during the business day and ask them how they're doing and if there is anything you can do for them.

Since Mike is very hard to get a hold  of via phone at work I sent him an e-mail that said I was praying for him and hoping he had a better day than the previous, stressful day he had had. Here comes the weird part: I couldn't bring myself to ask him if there was something I could do for him! The reason is, I was embarrassed. I never ask him that and I thought he would totally think I was acting weird if I asked him that. But, that was the point of the dare! For him to see that I was going out of my usual way to do something thoughtful. So, I totally need to still finish that part of the dare.

Day 5-

Ask your spouse to tell you three things about yourself that make them uncomfortable or irritated  with you. And don't attack them or justify those behaviors. This was supposed to be from their perspective only.

When I first asked Mike this, it was later in the evening, after he got home and settled in. He was very surprised by it and said he'd have to think about it. Mike is one of those non-emotional guys who doesn't let much bother him. He usually tells me that there's nothing about me that irritates him. That, in and of itself is sweet, but I think it has to do more with Mike's personality that with the fact that he doesn't want to hurt my feelings or is trying to "butter me up". I'm extremely emotional and everything bothers me.In fact that was one of the things I had to journal about.I was more than willing to think of three things that bother me about him when he does this dare.

 He has yet to tell me those three things and I've been hesitant to remind him! See? This has been harder than I thought! I am going to remind him today so I can write those things down and work on them.

So there you have it.My first week of "The Love Dare."I do the book M-F so that is what I count as a week in this book.

This should be an interesting forty days.Especially if I come away with the realization that I'm the world's worst wife!

Good Books I've Read Recently

.....Or in my case, listened to!In case I haven't mentioned it before, I love audio books! I'm an avid reader but since I've had children and own a house I haven't been able to do as much reading as I used to. Audio books are great way to get some "reading" in while I'm out walking or doing chores. I usually check them out from the library, upload them to iTunes and then to my ipod. My favorite genre's are mystery/suspense/thrillers and "chick lit". I'm also a fan of dramatic/ romance novels a la Nicholas Sparks. Recently I've tried to spread my wings a little and try a few books that I try a few novels that were not thrillers and were about topics or time periods I've never read about. Coincidentally, they were both during the World War II era and center around the lives of people affected by it.

The first one, "A Woman's Place" by Lynn Austin, was excellent! It's about 4 women who decide to work in a factory to help out the war effort. Each chapter centers around each woman and what is going on in their lives and how working at this factory has changed it. They all get to know each other through the factory and become good friends. It was slow at the beginning but the sped up. I listened to this one and the narrator was good so I don't know if reading it would change it.

 

The second one, "Tall Grass" by Sandra Dallas, was also wonderful. It centers around the narration of a woman who remembers the year that that she was thirteen and her life is changed by Tall Grass, a Japanese Internment camp, that is built down the road from her farm during WWII. The small town she lives in is completely disrupted and upset by the Japanese people who are moved there. It has a little suspense in it and I was hooked from the first page on. I did think it was interesting that Dallas writes about the Japanese Americans who were affected by WWII and the prejudice that went on during that time. Usually WWII novels center a lot around the Germans so this was a fresh take on it. I really enjoyed it and am interested in other books by this author.

 Anyway, I wanted to share these titles with since I enjoyed them so much. If you end up reading one or both of them, let me know how you liked them!

 

My First Official Book Review....(is coming!)

I have been approached via e-mail by two different publicists to review some upcoming books on my blog. I was very flattered and excited. I think they found me from my blog listing on Blogher. I'm listed under "mommy and family blogs". (Or something like that!!) I chose to review two Christian parenting type books. I recently received "Mommy Grace", due out in April. I look forward to reading and reviewing it. I will probably overthink it and labor over it for days. But, hey, it's my first real book review! It could cause this book to sink or swim! My review could change the popularity tide! Or something. Or not.

*Tooting my own horn*

Moving on....

 According to the nice publicist I'm in contact with:  

a) It's up to me what I post ( be it positive or negative) about the book. I thought maybe there were some  sort of restrictions, like-I couldn't post any kind of negative review.

b) There really are no "rules". They would like the book read and reviewed by the time it comes out and she would like a "heads-up" when I've posted my review.

c) If they see they can consistently depend on me to review the books in a timely and concise fashion they'll most likely send me more. (For free!!)

d) I can also host a giveaway for 5 copies of each title and they will send the copies to the winners. How cool is that?? I see a contest/giveaway in the near future...

I'll keep you posted!

Looking For New Authors To Read!

I love to read. I love to listen to audio books on my ipod. Because of this I've read(and listened) to a lot in the past few years. I've pretty much exausted the list of titles from my favorite authors. So, I'm enlisting YOUR help. What are your favorite authors and who's books do you think I should try? To get you started I'll list the types of books I like to read:

-I LOVE  the myster/suspense/thriller genre. James Patterson, Jonathan Kellerman, Linda Howard, JD Robb, Sandra Brown, Iris Johansen, Michael Connelly and Patricia Cornwell are just some of the few I enjoy.

-I don't like spy/political terrorism type books(for the most part)

-I've tended to also not like historical fiction, although I think I would like to try Phillipa Gregory's books

-I enjoy medical thrillers- Robin Cook and Tess Gerritsen are a couple I like.

-I enjoy some fantasy- Chronicles of Narnia, LOTR and Harry Potter. I've heard Stephenie Meyers' books are great. I've requested them at my library. I'm number 19 in line. I'll move along for the time being.

-I do not usually go for purely romantic novels. I do like a little "drama" with added romance and suspense a la Sydney Sheldon. I've loved his books. I also enjoy Susan Isaacs, Maeve Binchy, Pat Conroy and Nicholas Sparks when it comes to these kind of books. What genre would they be considered?

- I do like some Christian fiction but it depends on what type. I've enjoyed Jeanette Oke in the past as well as Francine Rivers but have gotten out of reading them. I would like to get back into Francine Rivers' books again.

-DO NOT like the "Old Western" genre and very few sci- fi books.

-I enjoy what I call "lighthearted, comedic" books like " The Nanny Diaries". Books along those lines I also enjoy

So, what are your reccomendations? I'm dying to add some new authors to my list!